New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep:

1. I resolve to not run with scissors.
2. I resolve to eat all the bacon on my plate.
3. I resolve to stay under the covers on cold winter’s nights.
4. I resolve to sweat in hot weather.
5. I resolve to stick to my diet… unless the food looks really good, or is my favorite, or is something I can get this one time, or was made by someone whose feelings will be really, really hurt if I don’t eat a bite of what they made.