Is Anyone Listening? Is Anyone Understanding?
I attended a meeting this week with some key community leaders to resolve what seemed to be a minor issue. You know the kind I’m talking about: an obstacle unforeseen has come up and now must be overcome. Everyone wanted to do the right thing. Some legal hurdles had to be dealt with. Let’s meet, share perspectives, make decisions, and get on to more productive parts of life. Right?
Not so fast.
- Though I arrived three minutes before the meeting was scheduled to begin, someone’s urgency had kicked in, and I walked into a meeting where the tension was already thick. The lesson? Never let urgency trump the agreed upon covenant of a starting time.
- A person with information had been selected to chair the meeting by default. He shared his information and then threw open the discussion. The result? Chaos. The lesson? Every meeting needs a leader.
- There was much posturing on display. Positions were being staked out. Territory was being defended. Muscle was being flexed. I later joked to one participant that it was one of the few times in my life that I was reasonably sure that I had one of the smallest egos in the room. The lesson? If you are defensive, you cannot understand. If you do not understand, you cannot reach agreement.
- The discussion was dominated by three people: The assertive entrepeneur, the self-made man, and the young turk. I admit I am accustomed to speaking up and people listening (or at least pretending to). I would start to speak and would be over riden by the dominating personalities. To truly be heard, I would have had to stand on the table, shout, and possibly take off my clothes. I chose not to - the issue on the table was not one of life or death or eternal signficance. The lesson? Don’t tie your self worth to winning or participating in every fight.
- The end result of the meeting was what we all already knew - we needed a legal opinion to guide us to a proper procedure. Why didn’t we have that opinion in hand before the meeting? Because no one took charge to have the meeting before the meeting - where a clear win is defined and someone or some group strategizes about what is needed to get that win. The lesson? Have the meeting before the meeting, or the conversation before the conversation. What are we really trying to accomplish here?
Bottom line - we accomplished what we needed to, but only after much bruising of spirits, force mis-applied, and relationships damaged. It was all un-necessary.
How much better would business, marriage, friendship, and church be if we listened? If we understood?
Did you ever think about how much effort and time God spends listening to people (it’s called prayer)? Did you ever think about how much effort and time God spends understanding us (Jesus coming to earth and the daily presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives)?
Do you think we can learn anything from God?
