My Cousin Bret…
Last week during TruLife’s “Ask the Pastor,” I received this question: “What about homosexuality?” It was a pretty open ended question.
I responded as I have before, by saying that I believe homosexuality is wrong, but we should not make the mistake of believing it is more wrong than any other sin. This sin, like all others, is covered by the grace of God through Jesus Christ. Then, I shared again the story of my cousin Bret.
Bret was born two years after me and we played together as children whenever he and his family visited from Colorado. When adulthood came, we didn’t see each other as much. Family gossip had it that Bret was gay – but he was still family.
When my grandmother died, I remember all of us being at the graveside, hugging each other as families do. It was comforting to have my wife and children with me – and I felt sorry for Bret – he was alone. He turned toward me, with his arms out for a hug.
At that moment, I knew he was seeking more than a hug from a cousin; he was seeking a hug from a pastor. I’m used to have dual identities and it was time for a split second decision – embrace or not. What would Jesus do?
I reached out. I embraced him. We shed tears for our amazing grandmother, who lived a life full of grace and love.
I’ve told that story a lot through the years, because I think it embodies my understanding of Jesus’ response to people who are gay. They need love and grace, too.
This past spring I saw Bret at a family gathering. We sat across from each other and talked – now two middle age men, he aging much better. I asked about his life in Denver. He was training jump horses and working with junior riders. And he had started going to church. He liked the music, he said. He had not seen a church with drums and guitars before. He wanted to know if I had ever heard of a church like his. I smiled.
As I listened to him, I could tell God was at work in his life. He was asking the right questions, making better choices, some days moving three steps forward and two steps back, but he was moving forward. As we parted I told him it was good to see him and I hoped he would keep going to church.
When I told that story Wednesday night, I said “There is grace for my cousin Bret.” What I did not know then was Bret was in a morgue in Denver. He had died on Sunday, but was not discovered until Wednesday.
As I write this, the cause of death is still unknown. His father and our family are still in shock. I wish I could travel to the funeral in Colorado, but it simply isn’t feasible or wise.
I think Bret had faith – not perfectly formed, but about the size of a mustard seed. That’s enough to move a mountain of sin out of the way and open a life to God’s grace.
As I have thought about Bret these past few days, I always come back to that hug at the cemetery. I’m glad I did it, I’m glad I didn’t hesitate, I’m glad I could be cousin and pastor and friend.
Bret was more than the sum of his sins. He was also a child of grace. Hugging my gay cousin at my grandmother’s grave reminded me I’m a child of grace too.
Thanks be to God.
